Like it or not, out here in SoCal your family and mine qualify as coastal elites — owning million dollar properties just minutes from the ocean, with golf course views to boot, in one of the most temperate climates on planet Earth.
And while we groan about grocery and gas prices here, families elsewhere are barely keeping theirs acts together. And they’re wondering how long they can keep it up. We’re not really worried. We just don’t really see them! Famously, we seldom stray from what we refer to as “the bubble.” And therein lies the disconnect between WE “the finger-wagging know-better-thans” and the rest of America.
A friend in town said recently, “Anyone but him,” and he meant Donald Trump. Anyone but that (fill in your witty-vulgar-adjective) guy. But when Joe Biden dropped out of the presidential race, Democrats had a choice of literally ANYONE to run against Trump.
A friend in town said recently, “Anyone but him,” ...But when Joe Biden dropped out of the presidential race, Democrats had a choice of literally ANYONE to run against Trump.
Rather than a Gavin Newsom here in California, or a Gretchen Whitmer in Michigan, or a Josh Shapiro in Pennsylvania — or even Hillary Clinton or Oprah Winfrey herself — some people who no one can name pulled Kamala Harris forward. And without a single primary vote cast for Harris, as the saying goes, that was that.
Instead, word is that Democrat party members whipped out some special political Geiger Counter to measure how toxic Harris’s record was (jailing black men for marijuana, threatening to jail parents for truant kids, among others) VS what the marketing department claimed they could do with her. And after a few taps on the Geiger readout, if their measurements were correct, they had themselves a candidate!
But while we coastal elites hold court about candidate preferences, the lofty ideals and the histrionics of it all — and certainly who is more and less uncouth — the rest of America’s households still hold their shit together by a thin, little thread.
So, with me peaking hesitantly, if not briefly from our “the bubble,” I’m left to wonder whether the election comes down to THEM, the voters we forget about in those swing vote states? If it’s really up to them and not us the elites, will they elect Harris after four years of what they’ve been going through?
The news media seems to be pulling for her. Literally. Harris was dragged to the finish line on the debate stage recently by none other than ABC’s David Muir. STOP — I have to take a minute: To women and men alike, David Muir is quite the handsome baguette in a basket. (Graci. Now, resume.) But sans the distraction of, errr, a pandemic, all of this propping-up has admittedly gotten really super hard to hide and kick under the rug.
Still, in spite of those laudable efforts, Harris is still Harris. The Geiger Counter for some reason is jumping. She speaks in word salads in ways that prove highly hard (correct grammar?) to edit out. Take the post-debate interview a regional Philly reporter scored with Harris for an ABC news affiliate. The reporter simply, innocently asked of Harris’s plan to lower prices.
...in spite of those laudable efforts, Harris is still Harris. The Geiger Counter for some reason is jumping... Harris can’t explain HOW she would help pull them or any of us from of our collective, economic quicksand.
Now, bear in mind this was without a chaperone (shout out to Tim Walz!) and she couldn’t pull off a hurried “I’m-on-the-phone-and-can’t-talk” kind of look. And Harris summarily channeled her policy plan into a recollection of her middle class childhood, and (literally) about nice lawns.
She tries (really super hard) to connect with Middle America. You know: those voters we don’t think about except now, in election season, who aren’t lucky enough to be us. But Harris can’t explain HOW she would help pull them or any of us from the collective, economic quicksand we’re stuck in.
But never mind that. We’re moving on. (Change of topic. Clear of the throat.) Just so you know, Harris isn’t Biden. She was quite clear about that during the debate to joust Trump’s metaphor. Her ZINGA! moment she hoped would go viral. Then people realized her campaign (literally) copied and pasted Biden’s policy points onto Harris’s campaign website.
Harris isn’t Biden. She was quite clear... Then people realized her campaign (literally) copied and pasted Biden’s policy points onto Harris’s campaign website.
Okay, so she physically isn’t the manifestation of Joseph (whatever-his-middle-name-is) Biden. But if one thing has become clear, she likes nice lawns. AND she doesn’t have a plan. None that differs from Biden. Certainly, he likes nice lawns as well. And yes, no plan to help America out of this place the Biden administration put us in, that she’s been a part of.
Harris may factually not be Joe Biden (kudos, again by the way, YAZZ QUEEN!). But she owns this, all of these past four years. She was many things in this administration (last to leave the Situation Room, the Border Czar, an actual handrail for Biden, et al). But more importantly and least discussed — Harris as VP has been the Senate tiebreaker vote in favor of Biden policy, again and again. Her fingerprints are everywhere. Thank you for staying awake and taping, C-SPAN.
She was many things in this administration (last to leave the Situation Room, the Border Czar, an actual handrail for Biden, et al) ... Her fingerprints are everywhere. Thank you for staying awake and taping, C-SPAN.
And none of this improves with MORE her. Nothing has been better now than it was before Harris and Biden. But hey, we’re elites and we’ll weather fine. Just one ask — if we could? Please don’t ask us to explain why we the elites want Harris for president. All we have is hyperbole. And name calling. And (obvious!) our on-high condescending entitlement.
Please, NO specifics. No policy platform points or tangible plans. Let us keep this charade up in our bubble. Rest assured, after the election, we’ll wag fingers and remind you: we’re coastal elites, and we’re better than you.
And PS, we know you know this. It’s pretty standard fare: if you question us, confront us with facts, bring the receipts — watch out ma’am and mister! We’ll call you racist, a Nazi fascist, or if all else fails — the worst of the worst — a Trumper.
Jason James Barry is an author and award-winning journalist. He writes often in satire as homage to authors Dave Barry and Kurt Vonnegut. Jason's work appears on Buzzard Digital and Prattlon Digital Media. A revised edition of his police life memoir, “The Midnight Coffee Club” is available on Amazon and in select stores.
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